Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Pink armor dye? Oh fuck yes.






Another wish granted: This guy magically appeared in IC today. I am now officially the happiest motherfucker on earth.

The vendors were put in place to show support for Pink for Tink (Andrew has a pretty good writeup about it). As the proud owner of a pair of boobs I must say this is a really fucking cool thing for Mythic to do. You can buy Slaanesh Pink and Light Purple Dye from him (15.40 silver per bottle), so you can, uh, show your support for breast cancer. Or metrosexuality. Or superior fashion sense. Or maybe just to show all those uncouth scrubs on the battlefield just how macho you really are.

Slaanesh Pink Dye


Light Purple Dye (looks like just a darker pink)

So I fully expect all of you fuckers to be rocking pink at some point this week. Boobies everywhere will be very happy. The dye colors are only available for a limited time. All that new bank space I just bought? Yeah. I'm putting it to work.




Wednesday, May 19, 2010

1.35 FAQs: I fear change!!


Some questions people are asking upon logging in:

Q. ZOMG WHARS ALL MAH BAGS/LEWT??

A: /reloadui. It's a bug apparently. [FIXED]

Q. DISAPPEARING CAST BARZ??

A. TA DAAA! /reloadui. Cast bars are for the weak! Mine at the moment is stuck at 20% opacity. Better than nothing I guess. Either /reloadui or disable/reenable addons. [FIXED]

Q: WHAR I BUY MOAR BAG/BANK SPACE???


A. FIXED. Go to your bank NPC and click on tabs 2 or 3 to see space available for purchase. Clicking each little Lock icon will unlock that row for use and cost an increased amount of gold with each consecutive purchase.

Cost to purchase all 10 rows of Tab #2: 153 gold
Cost to purchase all 10 rows of Tab #3: 938 gold

Q. WHERE'S THE RENOWN/CAREER TRAINER??!11111

A: Monolith/ Orange splotch on the IC map.

Q. WHERE'S THE [insignia] QUARTERMASTER???

A. Undercroft/ Red splotch on the IC map.

Q. Where did you get that AWESOME anorexic LOTD horsey?



A. Regular mount vendor for 30 Invader crests. 65% run speed, 50% chance to get dismounted upon taking damage. Lasts for 30 realtime days. You didn't break down all your crests, did you?


Q. I can't take anything out of the guild vault!! T_T

A. Neither can I. Lame. [FIXED]

Monday, May 17, 2010

Best scenario weekend ever


 
 

My wish came true! Khaine's Embrace in T4 was a fucking blast. (See that pun... damn I'm good.) It was the most fun Weekend Warfront I have had so far, not only for nostalgia's sake, but staggering unsuspecting Order players for 9 seconds while they watch in horror as the bomb explodes next to them = endless hilarity.
Oh, and Aldel and I discovered the super secret message Mythic placed in the scenario for us:





Brace yourself everyone! Incoming third faction: Down's Syndrome Dinosaurs. That's right Mythic: Nothing gets past me.

BTW, This post is dedicated to Hallu, the greatest, smartest, most generous and dedicated guild leader in the history of the game and the most awesome person on earth, next to the black guy in the Old Spice commercials.

Friday, May 14, 2010

PBAOE spammers get spayed and neutered, finally


Cry me a river, crappy sorcs and bee dubs. I think this was a much, much overdue change. My biggest pet peeve about the new city experience, aside from Champions not getting shoulder mounted sharkapults, was how easily these D. Scorched Earth pounding mouthbreathers cut through warbands, especially in Altdorf where almost every movement involved navigating choke point after choke point.

So is this the end of the cookie cutter Bomb Group? There are quite a few skilled Sorcs and BWs, especially on Gorfang, that could tell you no. But for those select, drool soaked snowflakes who think that a screen full of shiny numbers is the greatest thing on earth next to a jingly set of car keys:


I am sorry for your loss.Really.


Oh and by the way, for those of you who haven't done so, there is a thread on the official forums asking for feedback about the Weekend Warfronts. I am disappointed at how few responses are up there and I personally think WWs could used a lot of improvement.  So stop by, pick a nice pretty color to type your responses in (I picked Light Urple) and jump on Andy Claus's lap and tell him and his magical workshop elves all the things you want to see in game. Which better include Chicken Scenarios.

OR ELSE.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

City test/Uncle Andy's Barnyard Jamboree

[Edit: added screenshots from 5/6/10 tests also]
Last night we were treated to an even shinier and polished city experience. All my attempts to break shit were futile, and as cynical as I try to be, I'm pretty convinced this new IC and Altdorf are the most fun encounters I've had in RVR. Plus we got to sample a super entertaining smorgasboard of action, adventure and silliness, including but not limited to the following:

Cows on roids


Lizards in denial


Chickens on roids


 Bacon a la carte


 
Ridiculously good-looking chickens on roids


 
 Special guests


 
the Macy's Bastard DPS Class Parade 


 Full-service Epeen enhancement


 
and yes I had to see if giant Polar Bear was going to work. Mission accomplished.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The bombshell


I spent this weekend mulling over this news about playing both factions on the same server. I have played both sides of Gorfang before and I have to say playing with Order for a change was the most fun 3-4 weeks I ever had in this game. Unfortunately, even though it's a blast getting to run around and play with people you otherwise would never get to cooperate with, experience tells me it comes at a price.  People by default don't want to believe you're just playing for fun or the challenge of being the underdog; they assume the worst, and although I never played Order to "help Destro out" or vice versa, I still had to deal with being treated as such. Shit, to this day I still have ignoramuses from both factions sending me vitriol about "crossrealming."

I don't need to say cross realming is retarded. Why anyone would feel the need to cheat at a game that is so fucking easy to begin with is beyond me. I guess people cheat for the sake of cheating? Like when I get cut off on the freeway by douchebags going 80 down the emergency lane, they just want to get ahead because they can? If everyone was mature and used common sense this idea would be great, but in reality there are plenty of people on each side who aren't mature enough to handle the opportunity. And I'm not talking only about the cross realmers themselves.



There are players on Gorfang, that honestly think every fucking time a zone lock fails, or if the enemy even shows up, it's because "Cross realmers are helping Order/Destro out!!! Derp de DERRR!!!" This tinfoil hat bullshit is more harmful to our side than cross realming itself, in that it cripples our realm's ability to work as a team. When no one is comfortable communicating with each other in /1, /t4 or even vent, coordination is lost, especially in open warbands where trust is most likely to become an issue. Hence we have people who think they are doing our realm a solid as they refuse to join/let each other in warbands, refuse to coordinate with other WB leaders, refuse to fucking work together and yet sit there in wide-eyed disbelief when our forces fall to pieces.

The risk of cross realmers actually being out there of course hinders the chance of pulling off a successful surprise ambush, which is probably my favorite thing to do in ORVR, but this is not like Battleship where peeking over the partition can completely ruin the game. Whether or not you are unfairly gaining tactical information, in Warhammer the plastic pegs have to actually fight the plastic ships before you can say ZOMG you sunk my Martyr's Square or Hatred's Way. If your forces are not prepared to respond to incoming enemies, whether you know they're coming or not, then you fucking fail. In most zones/scenarios there are only a handful of places the enemy could be at or attack from, it doesn't take cheating to get a pretty good idea where the other team is/might be going.

I worry that this will now be a catch-all excuse for sucking miserably in RVR. Instead of sitting back and thinking critically, "Gee whiz, what can we do better next time," shitty players will jump on any excuse to point the finger at anyone but themselves. If these idiots stopped and actually thought about it, the amount of sensitive information to be gained from cross realming is so limited that the effect is minimal, if any, if your warband(s) play smart.

Andrew nailed it with his idea about a 6 day lockout timer for switching sides. I would be happy with this or even a couple weeks. I am giving Mythic the benefit of the doubt as I am assuming they have a much better-justified reason to do this than what was outlined in the Producer's Letter. I just hope they recognize the real harm from this news exists not in the elevated risk of cheating but in our newly exacerbated unwillingness to cooperate with our own fucking realm.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Farmfest Crater, Hallu is insane and other news

Doomfist Crater, the second-worst SC in the history of the game reared it's ugly head again this weekend. Are you guys sick of these SCs already? Instead of recycling these same scenarios each weekend I wish they would fold some new ones into the mix. I would kill to have a 12 v 12 chicken scenario: Stick 24 chickens on a farm somewhere,  give every chicken one ranged ability and an exploding egg or something they can deploy on the ground, and let us peck each other to death. No healing, no bomb groups, no dumbass guards, just pollo e pollo awesomeness for like 15 minutes. Because I will never get my chicken trophy otherwise.




Arsenal adopted almost 2 million new members in April which means Hallu is now the official Angelina Jolie of Gorfang. so many cherubic little snot-nosed rerolls and re-subscribers running around in the past 2 weeks that I can't even keep them all straight. I am excited to have all these new baby brothers to play with, but after running with many of you for a bit, I can't be nice about it: some of you just flat out suck. Gear isn't the problem, it's a fundamental lack of skill. I think the new city changes will magnify this issue and make it very, very clear to everyone how important it is to be a reliable player. So stop sucking already.


Oh and Keagen dinged 80 finally. Being 80 isn't so special anymore but considering he's a magus, I am super proud! So go tell him how great he is. It's about time, congats sir :D



Speaking of new city, it's fun as all hell. I can't wait for it to go live. It really feels more like a siege, instead of "hey guys, go play musical BO flags for an hour and here's some PVE at the end." There is so many more layers of strategy to consider now, and most of all it's 100% based on KILLING EACH OTHER. This is how it should have been from the beginning.  I wish I took more screenshots, but here are some kinky pics of Karl getting paddled by Mr. T because he secretly enjoys it. And we all really like to watch.



My Live Event item is gone, and that empty space is just breaking my heart. I find it extremely hard to cope with everyday life without that extra 16 willpower to comfort me. So here's to hoping for a live event to happen fairly soon so I can feel competent again.  Because after two months of healing like a superhero and telling all these rock star premades to take a fucking number, I can't even get a group. My suggestion if your LE item has expired, is to run and hide so nobody can inspect you and see what a broke ass loser you are. Gorfang brothas roll with rubber band banks in our wallets and nobody here likes no triflin' hoes with empty item slots. For real, yo.